


Trying Again (Failing Again)

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [171]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little, M/M, Panic Attacks, and fail, but damn they try, but not detailed, dean negative, recovering through ignoring things doesnt work, resuming a relationship, sexual siutations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:32:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8045911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: Things are back to normal, now. Sam just wants things to be normal.There's milage and baggage on them now, and things won't just go back to the way they were.





	Trying Again (Failing Again)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece from Tumblr.
> 
> Sam and Dean have had a bad relationship. Now that their lives are better, they try to jump back in, but Sam can't handle it. panic attacks, slightly Dean negative.

Everything is back to normal.

No Mark of Cain. No Gadreel. Nothing between them. They’re back to normal. They’re making things work. The way things should be.

They haven’t talked about it. Of course–Winchesters don’t _talk about it_. But Dean’s made his intentions clear, and Sam rolls with it. That _is_  something Winchesters do. Or, at least Sam Winchester does, nowadays.

Life goes back to normal. Sam’s not even sure where this normal originated from, but it’s theirs, and it’s familiar. Hunting together, riding shotgun, making faces at each other’s diner food selections, it’s all back. Some of Dean’s jokes cut a little too close. But he doesn’t mean them like that. They’re _better,_ now. The jokes are just jokes, and everything else is behind them, forgotten. Sam would just be ungrateful if he brought it up now.

Then Dean wants to have sex. Like they used to. Like they should again, what with them starting fresh, like how they used to be, whatever that means.

Sex used to be good. Sam remembers it vividly, and it was good. Before it was bad, which was before it stopped entirely, sex was good.

So Sam kisses Dean back, grabs at his shirt, lets Dean push him onto the bed. Dean works his own leg between Sam’s, and it’s good, so good–

Until Dean is over him, pinning him, and all Sam can see is his eyes, staring down at him. They’re not even…Sam can distinguish lust, there’s nothing bad in those eyes, but that doesn’t stop the clawing feeling inside of Sam.

 _Can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe_.

Dean’s voice isn’t exactly calming, but it does drag Sam back after a little while. When he comes to, Dean’s on the other end of the bed, staring at Sam, wide eyed.

“The hell was that?” he asks once he realizes Sam is alert once more. He’s ringing his hands, and Sam can see his nerves. The tone of his voice makes Sam flinch regardless.

“I…I can’t do this,” he says, turning his face away from Dean. “I’m sorry.”

He gets up and flees to the bathroom, leaving Dean gaping in his wake, confused but some sort of sickening alertness lighting up his face.

Sam will have to talk to him. Have to explain himself, have ti finally talk this out. He just needs a few minutes first. Maybe half an hour. Maybe longer.

Because everything is not back to normal. Everything is not just fine, and it’s not even close. Dean’s jokes still cut like knives. Everything still feels like a play-act. And sec feels like a coercion, like an act of violence, even with gentle hands.

Everything is not okay. And it’s time Sam stops allowing this farce of pretending it is to continue between them.


End file.
